For those of you that know me well, you know this one thing about me: I want, more than anything, to be married and have babies. I hate going to bed alone at night. When my friends complain about their kids being brats I remind them that not all of us have that opportunity. When my married friends complain about something stupid their husband did/does I remind them they were lucky enough to find a good one and to be grateful.
There are lots of us girls that don't get those opportunities and never will.
We are coming to terms with the fact that the older we get the more and more young men in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints aren't keeping their convents or doing their priesthood duty and are putting off marriage.
In the April 2011 Priesthood Session of General Conference, President Thomas S. Monson said the following:
"Now, I have thought a lot lately about you young men who are of an age to marry but who have not yet felt to do so. I see lovely young ladies who desire to be married and to raise families, and yet their opportunities are limited because so many young men are postponing marriage.
"This is not a new situation. Much has been said concerning this matter by past Presidents of the Church. I share with you just one or two examples of their counsel.
"Said President Harold B. Lee, “We are not doing our duty as holders of the priesthood when we go beyond the marriageable age and withhold ourselves from an honorable marriage to these lovely women.”
"President Gordon B. Hinckley said this: “My heart reaches out to … our single sisters, who long for marriage and cannot seem to find it. … I have far less sympathy for the young men, who under the customs of our society, have the prerogative to take the initiative in these matters but in so many cases fail to do so.”
HI! Three PROPHETS OF GOD are saying this!!! Yet, still, men are postponing marriage.
Which leaves more and more of us single ladies pining for marriage and family.
What hurts even more is that girls like me don't get married. Guys don't want a girl that is a returned missionary. Guys don't want a girl who reads, who is educated. Guys don't want a girl who had ambitions in life. Guys don't want a girl who is endowed an knowledgeable in the Gospel. Guys don't want a girl who has a full time job that is also her career.
And I'm not the only girl in my situation that feels this way. My friends Nicole and Brittany are in the same boat I am.
Nicole has been told that she's single because she is a return missionary and too smart.
We have a few words of advice for the young men out there: GROW A PAIR!!!!!
Life, even married life, is not as hard as you think it is. And it's a lot easier when you have someone to get through the tough times with. I understand that you want someone dumb who can't handle anything so you feel macho and all...but let's be honest here. Someone smart, put together, and more than ready to settle down is a lot easier to deal with then someone dumb, who has no clue what they want in life, and who has a mid-life crisis at the age of 24.
Moral of the story is: I pretty much hate my life. It's not what I want it to be. I'm trying my hardest to make it what I would want it to be but it's not easy.
I'm having to give up a lifelong dream because douche-baggery is becoming an epidemic.
4 comments:
Dearest Tigg, as I read EVERY word (and that says a lot, I don't read much) my heart broke for you. I know your deepest desisre is to marry and bare children, and so does your Heavenly Father. Please do not think that this well never happen for you ! I find that very hard to believe. Don't assume that all married woman are married to great guys, because wonderful men are hard to come by and well worth the wait!! Be patient and faithful, your time will come. My cousin is 42, been single all her life. Just last week she got engaged to an amazing guy. I'm not saying you'll have to wait that long, just be patient :) And know that this Harley loves you no matter what! :) We should do lunch!?!
Suzanne was 26, endowed, had graduated from college when I was graduating high school, owned a home, was well read, spiritual, and had been in her career for 4-5 years when she and I got married. Some weaker dudes might have been intimidated by that. However, you know that I am an extremely confident person. I was able to see it was all the better for me and an asset to the both of us. I guess my point is, confident guys that can handle it are fewer and farther between, but are well worth it. If you like a guy that is too weak to handle it, then you don't want him anyway. Your man will come. As Suzanne would say, just give him time to graduate HS, and come home from his mission.
I often feel the same way, Erin, especially when I see the majority of my friends enjoying the blessings of marriage and parenthood. It is rough, and it makes me upset that no man is "man enough" to want to date me seriously. I want the same things as you, and understand your frustration. But, you are a wonderful daughter of a God who loves you very much, and has a plan for you. We can be strong together and we will find the men who are meant to be us. I firmly believe that (even if I get frustrated in the meantime because of the successive relationship failures). Love you.
Sweet Erin, I hope this is just a temporary feeling. Never give up. Don't stop living, but never give up. You don't need to change yourself or dumb yourself down. Just continue to be/become the type of person you want to marry, and at the right time, they will recognize their match.
I heard so much of that c-r-a-p too, and from people who should know better. You are confident and capable, beautiful, spiritual, and spirited. You may be swimming in a sea of frogs right now, but someday, someday, someone will come along who isn't looking to catch a weak one, and who doesn't need a crutch--someone who needs a help meet for him. A strong partner, and not a mommy or a weak little girl.
It's tough, I know. I'm watching someone very close to me make the mistake a second time around of picking a weak, needy girl, instead of a strong spiritual partner, and I hurt for him, for her, and for the one he should be finding instead.
As long as you stay on the right path you allow the Lord to put the right people, and specifically, the right person, on the road with you at the time when you are both ready.
Love and hugs,
Sara
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