Rough times call for tough people

I know I blog about this a lot...but when it literally is my whole life it's hard not to think about ALL THE TIME.

I've had a rough couple weeks. I have not been in a good place in life. I anger easily. Say hurtful things. And spend a lot of time alone. And retail therapy hasn't been nice on the wallet.

I just can't seem to snap out of it.

I listen to Conference. Like, all the time.

I'm tired and most days it's a chore to get out of bed.

I'm just not a pleasant person to be around. My thoughts are constantly consumed with one thing: my "singlehood." This is the one big trial in my life.

My health is good.

I'm relatively financially stable (as stable as paying off debt gets.)

I have parents and friends who love me.

I have a roof over my head and food to eat.

I have clothes to wear and keep me warm.

I have a good job.

I really have nothing lacking. I should be very happy and grateful. But when you don't get the one thing you'd give any of the above up to have, it's hard to be grateful.

I have lately been reading The Great and Terrible series. A series written by an LDS author about the premortal life, the last days, and the Great War with Satan we are still fighting. I just finished the fourth of six books about 20 minutes ago. It left me in tears and feeling very selfish, ungrateful, and like a schmuck.

I am so lucky to live in a time with the Gospel. Where I know what the Lord's plan is for me, in general at least. I have loving Heavenly parents. I came to this earth to prove my allegiance to my Heavenly Father and my Savior. I was born into a family with the Gospel and in a country where I can live that Gospel with very little or no persecution. I live within an hour of 8, soon to be 10 temples. TEN!!!! I know where I will be going after this life.

But one other thing I thought as I read the end of the book is this: Satan remembers me. Well. He remembers how I fought in the premortal world. He remembers what I did to bring him down. He swore after being cast out to bring all the noble and great ones down. Completely. And he'll use any way he can. Now, I'm worthy for the most part. But Satan knows me well enough that he knows its not the big things he'll get me with. It's the little things.

Prayer. Scripture study. Attitude. Language. How I choose to spend my time. He knows me that well. And that scares me.

From now on, I choose to throw off Satan. To be the one that when I wake up he says "oh crap...she's up." I miss being that happy. Being in such a good place that I feel like nothing can bring me down.

Legit Dates

I have had a few young men recently ask me what I mean when I say that I like "legit dates." Here is my response to the world and these young men.

Legit date- (Lu-jit dait) -verb.
An action where a young man takes a young woman out for a night to an activity where they can converse and get to know each other to see if they are compatible for marriage. One date, however, does not mean that there needs to be any sort of commitment for long term nor any obligation on the part of either party. It's just a date.

Elder Oaks said: "Knowledgeable observers report that dating has nearly disappeared from college campuses and among young adults generally. It has been replaced by something called “hanging out.” You young people apparently know what this is, but I will describe it for the benefit of those of us who are middle-aged or older and otherwise uninformed. Hanging out consists of numbers of young men and young women joining together in some group activity. It is very different from dating.

For the benefit of some of you who are not middle-aged or older, I also may need to describe what dating is. Unlike hanging out, dating is not a team sport. Dating is pairing off to experience the kind of one-on-one association and temporary commitment that can lead to marriage in some rare and treasured cases."

Now, you young single men out there, go take a young single girl out on a legit date.

Me In a Nutshell

I just recently updated my LDSsingles profile and thought I would share it with readers...ENJOY!

"I am outgoing, fun, spontaneous, and happy! I love anything to do with the outdoors; camping, hiking, boating, ANYTHING! I love dogs, kids, cooking, karaoke, spending time with family and friends, reading, movies, lazy days, gardening, going for long drives, and long walks on the beach. I served a mission in the Canada Vancouver mission and it was the best thing I ever did! I don't know how I could be a wife and a mother without that! 

I firmly believe in long courtships and short engagements. I think people who get married super quick are crazy! I believe that, like any good thing in life, relationships take hard work. Open, honest, and sincere communication and unconditional forgiveness are key! No two people are 100% compatible, but as long as those two people are willing to work for eternity than anything is possible. 

I want someone who is strong and firm in the Gospel. Someone who is a worthy priesthood holder. Someone who will do what the General Authorities have been telling him in Priesthood session and ask me on a legitimate date. Someone who can take me to the temple. Someone who loves kids and will be the kind of Father that me and my children can rely on. I don't care about your past, even if you've been married before or already have kids! The more the merrier!

There's a lot I can handle. I am a strong girl with a good work ethic.  If you aren't willing to work hard then I'm not the girl for you.  I did mention I like lazy-days...but only on a very rare occasion.  Not many things are deal breakers for me.  You like video game? Cool.  As long as there's not problem with them.  Hunting? Ok.  Again.  As long as there's no problems with juggling priorities.  The one deal breaker I have is pornography.  I won't do it.  "Being a guy" is no excuse.  I'm expected to be worthy 100% of the time, I expect the same.  

Elder Holland said: "In this matter of counterfeit intimacy and deceptive gratification, I express particular caution to the men who hear this message. I have heard all my life that it is the young woman who has to assume the responsibility for controlling the limits of intimacy in courtship because a young man cannot. What an unacceptable response to such a serious issue! What kind of man is he, what priesthood or power or strength or self-control does this man have that lets him develop in society, grow to the age of mature accountability, perhaps even pursue a university education and prepare to affect the future of colleagues and kingdoms and the course of the world, but yet does not have the mental capacity or the moral will to say, "I will not do that thing"? No, this sorry drugstore psychology would have us say, "He just can't help himself. His glands have complete control over his life--his mind, his will, his entire future."

"To say that a young woman in such a relationship has to bear her responsibility and that of the young man's too is the least fair assertion I can imagine. In most instances if there is sexual transgression, I lay the burden squarely on the shoulders of the young man--for our purposes probably a priesthood bearer--and that's where I believe God intended responsibility to be. In saying that I do not excuse young women who exercise no restraint and have not the character or conviction to demand intimacy only in its rightful role. I have had enough experience in Church callings to know that women as well as men can be predatory. But I refuse to buy some young man's feigned innocence who wants to sin and call it psychology."

Hard words to read, I know.  But it makes my heart heavy. Nothing makes me want to crawl in a hole and cry till I'm dry than the thought that something so evil as pornography is what is keeping men from being worthy.  Something so degrading, demoralizing, and dehumanizing as that.  It makes me feel like I'll never be "good enough," when in reality I AM WORTH THE FIGHT!

Yes, I want to be married and have a family more than life itself. But I would rather remain single my whole life than to risk becoming an object and having a broken family.  

Don't like my straightforwardness?  Not my problem.  Welcome to the 21st century."

Words of Wisdom...from a dear friend.

Dear Readers, my friend Nicole just blogged something I would like to share with you...

Read it.

Follow it. 

Love it. 

Thank Nicole!

Passive Rejection: What's Wrong with It & Why It Needs to Stop

It all started with the butter stain on my pants...

Monday. October 1, 2012.

It started like a regular day. Had a hard time getting out of bed, nothing unusual. I got ready for work, grabbed breakfast, and I thought "Lauri is comin back to work today, it's gonna be a good day." (Lauri is my coworker who had a baby back in August.)

I got in the car and just happened to look at my scrubs.

There was that butter stain I had totally forgotten about...right on my right thigh.

I should've known then it was going to be a rough day. Fortunately I had an extra pair in my car to change into.

I got to work a couple minutes late, nothing unusual about that. Walked in and...no Lauri. Her baby had been sick over the weekend and she had Dr.'s appointments for him today. "That's ok," I thought, "we'll make it."

Then it happened.

The floor was busy.

The lab was busy.

I swear I called 10 Dr.'s offices today for lab orders, forcing patients to wait extra long to get their blood drawn. I got blamed, yelled at, and had some pretty mean things said to me. We were short one person which meant there was one person to run the front office and draw outpatients, one person to run specimen processing, and one person to draw inpatients on the floor. I was having to poke patients more than once cause I was just not on my game today. I was so frustrated. It was one thing after another.

To top it all off, this volunteer kept bugging me during a draw and I had had it!!!

It finally calmed down enough for me to find my sanity...at 4:50 pm (I'm off at 5:30.)

No worries, I grabbed a milkshake on my way home. And even then the girl didn't speak up when she told me the total so I looked monumentally stupid when I gave her 8 cents short. Gah!

That's alright. It's all better.

I should've known it was gonna be that kind of day when I saw the butter stain on my pants.

It was a bad case of the Mondays.

Identity

I love weekends.

I usually spend them in Pleasant Grove with my friend Brittany.

Lets be honest, when you live at home with Mom and Dad, weekends aren't super exciting. Although I love them dearly.

This weekend we had some pretty exciting plans.

I just so happened to be the weekend of the Cirque Lodge Alumni Reunion.

I was really apprehensive about going but it was important to Brittany, so tag along I would.

Friday started out with a dinner in the auditorium/ropes course room. Alright food. Good company. Pretty room. Then, we moved into a program where a few people spoke: the guy over the horses, Dave, Mr. Losee (Mrs. Losee sang a song), Gary, who cries a lot, and one of the alumni. A. Maz. ING! Afterward we circled up, all 200+ of us, just like in an AA meeting, where they had this gong thing (I seriously CANNOT remember the real name) where there was one gong for every former resident who had passed away. I was a blubbering fool. I kept thinking of everyone I have known affected by addiction, therefore affecting me.

My brother Cameron.

My cousin Garrett.

My cousin Craig.

The patient who came into Jordan Valley this week in full arrest because of an overdose who passed away.

And numerous friends and patients who come to the lab regularly for blood work.

People I know. And I just kept thinking how each one of them could be a gong that night.

The cute old man next to me in the circle up, a recovering alcoholic and former resident, held my hand tight and later thanked me for my show of emotion telling me how grateful he was for it and how refreshing it was. He was so nice and sweet.

Saturday there was a bonfire up at Aspen Grove up by Sundance where there was a meeting where people shared different experiences around the fire. As I sat and listened to them all, I noticed something.

About their identity.

They always identified by who they ARE. Not were. Not could be. Not NOT.

ARE.

Hi, my name is Erin, and I am a daughter of God. I'm imperfect. I'm afraid. But I trust, like all these people who have gone through way more than I ever will, that my higher power, my Heavenly Father, knows the bigger picture and has a plan for me.

I am going to be alright.

Thank you Cirque, Alumni, and Brittany for an AMAZING weekend!!!!!

Everything I've ever dreamed...yet nothing can be done about it.

For those of you that know me well, you know this one thing about me: I want, more than anything, to be married and have babies. I hate going to bed alone at night. When my friends complain about their kids being brats I remind them that not all of us have that opportunity. When my married friends complain about something stupid their husband did/does I remind them they were lucky enough to find a good one and to be grateful.

There are lots of us girls that don't get those opportunities and never will.

We are coming to terms with the fact that the older we get the more and more young men in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints aren't keeping their convents or doing their priesthood duty and are putting off marriage.

And I'm not just saying that.

In the April 2011 Priesthood Session of General Conference, President Thomas S. Monson said the following:

"Now, I have thought a lot lately about you young men who are of an age to marry but who have not yet felt to do so. I see lovely young ladies who desire to be married and to raise families, and yet their opportunities are limited because so many young men are postponing marriage.

"This is not a new situation. Much has been said concerning this matter by past Presidents of the Church. I share with you just one or two examples of their counsel.

"Said President Harold B. Lee, “We are not doing our duty as holders of the priesthood when we go beyond the marriageable age and withhold ourselves from an honorable marriage to these lovely women.”

"President Gordon B. Hinckley said this: “My heart reaches out to … our single sisters, who long for marriage and cannot seem to find it. … I have far less sympathy for the young men, who under the customs of our society, have the prerogative to take the initiative in these matters but in so many cases fail to do so.”

HI! Three PROPHETS OF GOD are saying this!!! Yet, still, men are postponing marriage.

Which leaves more and more of us single ladies pining for marriage and family.

What hurts even more is that girls like me don't get married. Guys don't want a girl that is a returned missionary. Guys don't want a girl who reads, who is educated. Guys don't want a girl who had ambitions in life. Guys don't want a girl who is endowed an knowledgeable in the Gospel. Guys don't want a girl who has a full time job that is also her career.

And I'm not the only girl in my situation that feels this way. My friends Nicole and Brittany are in the same boat I am.

Nicole has been told that she's single because she is a return missionary and too smart.

Brittany has been told she's single because she is endowed and intimidating.

We have a few words of advice for the young men out there: GROW A PAIR!!!!!

Life, even married life, is not as hard as you think it is. And it's a lot easier when you have someone to get through the tough times with. I understand that you want someone dumb who can't handle anything so you feel macho and all...but let's be honest here. Someone smart, put together, and more than ready to settle down is a lot easier to deal with then someone dumb, who has no clue what they want in life, and who has a mid-life crisis at the age of 24.

Moral of the story is: I pretty much hate my life. It's not what I want it to be. I'm trying my hardest to make it what I would want it to be but it's not easy.

I'm having to give up a lifelong dream because douche-baggery is becoming an epidemic.

Project Bug

Pinterest has given me the project bug. Who'da thunk, right? But lately as I've looked around my room I get the itches to try and find a way to make everything look more put together. I have a ton of "stuff" that one might think I could donate...not so.

Number one: I wanna paint this beauty:

 black. It would stand out more and I'd be able to tuck in the end of my quilt happily! (There's a headboard as well...)

Number two: figure out what to do here: 

here:

here:

and here:

 

to make things flow easier. As you can see I have a lot of books and movies that I don't ever plan on giving away and would like to display instead of just hide or stack. I got this idea here:

obviously from pinterest. Now I just gotta find cheap crates to be able to paint and it'd be a done deal! Any suggestions there?

Next is this little problem:

As you can see there ARE clothes hanging behind that door. Clothes I can't get to unless I go IN my closet and SHUT the door. Super annoying. I think that will easily be solved with a rod and a curtain. Now do I go solid black or a print?

 And last but not least...I got this beauty (PLEASE ignore my messy room...):

at American Eagle last week. And since it's too short for my endowed self and just a little long to wear with jeans, a couple straight seams should do the trick to bring it up to acceptable shirt length, putting this baby:

to use.

 Let the projects begin!!!

My Summer

I'm gonna do some of these.  Its going to be an epic summer!

My room: the unveiling!

As I said earlier this week I've been working on some things...mainly me, my room, and my prayers and scriptures. Things are going great!

So, since I FINALLY put some finishing touches on my room I decided to do an unveiling...and I'm pretty stoked about the finished product!!!! Enjoy the pictures!

My "vanity" area. Those picture frames are my own personal craftiness. I got the frames and background paper at Michael's. I painted and glossed the frames black then put the paper with the pictures in. The actual pictures are postcards type things that look like stamps from New York, London, Paris, Italy, and Sweden that I got from IKEA. The whole project cost me less than 20$.

My bed, far and close up. I got this bed set at Bed, Bath, & Beyond today and I'm in LOVE with how it looks!!!! I debated between this one and another for a good 45 minutes and my friend Brittany helped me decide on this one. SO glad I did!!! Not gonna tell you the cost though haha!

This is my sewing machine/jewelry area stuff. The necklace holder is one a former roommate left behind that I claimed and repainted black. The frame thing will eventually have tule in it to hang earrings. The "E" I got from Michael's. Underneath is my vintage 1943 Kenmore sewing machine I got for my birthday. Yes, it works. It's super cute!

And there it is! I hope you enjoyed the unveil!!!!

Day Two

Exercise=the easy part.  Diet=the hard part.

I've done good on the not eating sweets...its carbs.  Carbs, carbs, carbs.  I want them...ALL THE TIME!  I guess it doesn't help that I haven't really stocked up on lots of fruits and veggies and healthy things that will replace those carbs.  Carbs are just the easiest thing to eat.  And after 4 flour tortillas at lunch today I had to silently yell at myself to STOP.

Exercise has been going really good though.  I found a good workout on Pinterest (you know...off of that fitness board that we all look at and think "one day...maybe I'll do these" but never do).  Granted its only day 2...but I really like the workout.  Its easy enough that I can actually do it but hard enough that I can feel it.  I was sore today from yesterdays but it wasn't a I'm-in-so-much-pain-I-can-barely-walk sore.  Which is good.  Gotta work up to the really tough work outs.  Here is the workouts that I'm doing:

Monday:
100 Jumping Jacks
50 Crunches
20 Tricep Dips
15 Squats
20 Lunges
70 Russian Twists
20 Standing Calf Raises
5 Push-ups
30 Sec. Plank
10 Lunge Split Jumps

Tuesday:
80 Jumping Jacks
50 Vertical Leg Crunches
20 Sit-ups
15 Tricep Dips
20 Squats
10 Side Lunges
15 Leg Lifts (Each Leg)
50 Bicycles
15 Wall Push-ups
40 Russian Twists

Wednesday:
90 Jumping Jacks
20 Tricep Dips
10 Sit-ups
30 Bird-Dogs
30 Sec. Plank
30 Squats
15 Incline Push-ups
40 Crunches
10 Oblique Crunches (Each Side)
20 Standing Calf Raises

Thursday:
100 Jumping Jacks
25 Vertical Leg Crunches
30 Crunches
20 Squats
20 Wall Push-ups
50 Russian Twists
15 Sec. Side Plank (Each Side)
10 Lunge Split Jumps
5 Jump Squats
40 High Knees

Friday:
60 Jumping Jacks
40 Crunches
10 Sit-ups
10 Tricep Dips
20 Side Lunges (Each Side)
15 Incline Push-ups
10 Oblique Crunches (Each Side)
30 Butt Kickers
5 Jump Squats
15 Jack Knife Sit-ups

Saturday:
50 Jumping Jacks
20 Squats
100 Russian Twists
5 Kneeling Push-ups
1 Min. Downward Dog
15 Jack Knife Sit-ups
10 Lunges
10 Side Lunges (Each Side)
20 Bird Dogs
20 Inner Thigh Lifts (Each Side)

I was talking to my friend Brittany yesterday about my plan and we decided to team up and be buddies in this.  Yeah we're doing it separate since she lives in Orem but at least we have moral support.  We agreed that this isn't for anyone besides US!  We also agreed that Sunday is a cheat day.  Glad for that.  I can't just cut dessert out for good...that would suck!

So far its going good........ :D

New Me

For a while now...I've kinda let some things go. I've just gotten lazy. And I've started to notice a difference.

I first started with my room. Since its the place I "live" in it was the first thing I noticed and took care of. Now, it may not be perfect...and I may not make my bed everyday...but it's getting better. At least I don't have piles everywhere making it impossible to do anything in my room.

Next...scripture reading and prayers. I'm really bad at it. Even on the mission. It put me to sleep so fast!! Now its not like I NEVER read or pray...its just sporadic. But now that I'm working in the temple it's become really apparent. I'm working on it. Studying is the harder of the two...praying is getting better.

Third...ME. Anyone that works at a place where all you wear is scrubs knows that you unintentionally let yourself go...I call it scrub fat. And I've been unwilling to accept it or act upon it. Until now. It's starting to REALLY show! Up until now it was just this "I'm not worried about it" kind of deal. Yet, I still ate whatever I wanted...not a good thing.

Yes, I know these pics are the classic bathroom mirror pics...I didn't have any other way to do them since I was home alone. But it's gotten bad!

So along with being a work-a-holic, I've decided to become a workout-a-holic as well..might as well erase what little of a social life I already have anyway.

Plus, I firmly believe that by the end of the summer I can look like this girl...it'll just take some effort :) I'll keep you updated on the full plan!

The Life of a Vampire

Life has been pretty great lately! Very busy and very rewarding!

I got a new job...and not just a "yeah, I'll work here while I look for something better" its a "I think I want to stay here for...well, forever!"

It's a phlebotomy job at Jordan Valley Medical Center. The pay is amazing. The people are so far really great (always a few bad apples but nothing terribly awkward). It's very busy, and crazy. And there is so much to learn!!! I wish I were more of a sponge! My shifts so far, since I'm in training, have been long. I start at 4 am in the morning, which hasn't been too rough. Unless I get to sleep late...then I sleep through my alarm...have to be called to wake up...almost hit a deer on the way to work...THEN it's rough! And I usually get off around 12:30. But the last couple days have been so crazy busy I haven't really had time to think...I just do and hope that I'm doing an alright job and doing everything right!

Once I start my regular schedule I don't work everyday. I'll work Monday and Tuesday 4am-2:30pm, Thursday 2pm-8pm, and every other weekend 4am-2:30pm. So excited to have days off during the week! And they do church services here at the hospital do I don't have to worry about not getting the sacrament :)

I seriously love it here! It's a great job! I love working with the patients and doing what I do!

Being a vampire is the best!!!

Deleted

Once upon a time, there was this boy. A bright spot in my rough after-mission life. He gave me hope in romance again. He helped me see I deserved something better than what I had. He made me happy. He was my best friend.

For a brief moment in time.

After a couple dates and keeping in contact for a couple months things just kinda phased out. I blamed no one.

Till I "moved" to CA and he didn't give me the time of day. Then I placed blame. I wanted to see if something could happen. So I made an effort. And he didn't reciprocate.

It hurt more than I thought it would.

And today I felt that hurt again as I deleted the last vestiges of a weekend my heart will never forget...

Life Decisions

On my sidebar you will find a poll...I would like as many opinions as possible as to what you peeps think I should do with my life...

I have two choices:

ONE: Stay in Utah.  Get a good job here.  Move out eventually.  Get a dog.  You know, the usual.

TWO: Go to Maryland to be a nanny. 

I know what I want to do...What are your thoughts?

Inspiration

So, as things have been rough lately I have had a lot of time to think...and think...and think...and think.  I especially had TONS of time to think during my drive back up from CA.  It was a good long drive alone.  And I was very grateful for the opportunity. 

I spent the night in Cedar City with a very good friend of mine, Ya Ya, so I wouldn't have to do the drive in one day by myself.  She worked with me at Oakcrest and we've been close ever since.

***Side note, I still remember the night we found out we were going to be roommates like it was yesterday...we cried like babies we were so happy!***

It was SO good to stay with her and her cute little family and to catch up!  I really wish she lived closer!  I honestly did not want to leave.  Not only did I have a friend and someone who cared about me but its amazing the love you feel when you are around a family that is truly close to the Lord.  I was especially grateful for the unconditional love that her little girl Kiley shared with me.  What a doll!!  I was heartbroken to leave.  That little girl worked her way into my heart very fast! I am so grateful for the love they shared with me and how welcome I felt in their home!

Anyway, with all my thinking and, might I add, PRAYING...I didn't land on any special inspiration.  I know...deep right? But I did come across something.  I've been listening to the Tennis Shoes Among the Nephites books...TOTALLY some of my favorite books.  While listening to the 4th book, The Feathered Serpent Part 1, one of the characters said something that hit me hard.  In this book, Jim and his children find themselves in Book of Mormon times right before the crucifixion of Christ.  At one point, Jim is talking privately to the prophet Nephi, the son of Nephi, and he's explaining to Nephi how tough things have been for him and his family lately. 

Jim says to Nephi, talking about his first adventure among the Nephites as a teen "I think about those days a lot.  They seemed so uncomplicated.  My purpose was so clear." (**My mission**)

Nephi asks, "You don't believe your purpose is clear now?" (**My crazy life now**)

Jim responds, "It just seems more difficult." 

The next line, given by Nephi, is what hit me the hardest. He says "I think if you contemplate those memories from your childhood, you'll realize they're happy because of what you accomplished, what you overcame.  They were probably no less difficult.  Push ahead, Jim. I'm sure you have many happy memories to come.  Lasting happiness is the offspring of endurance."

Jim then says "Then I should be a very happy man one day soon."

Nephi then goes on "Never forget Jim, all of this," his eyes scanned earth and sky, "is but a moment.  Then comes the glory.  All we must do is endure to the end.  Afterwards our sorrow will melt away so freely we'll wonder how we ever lost faith, even for an instant.  It's all true Jim.  Our Savior will make it true.  It won't be long now."

We are happy when we accomplish things.  When we overcome challenges. 

Lasting happiness is the offspring of endurance. 

And I don't have much longer to endure.  As Nephi said, it won't be long now. 

Live and Learn

Recently I was talking with Marie again and we were talking about my recent move to CA. 

Well that move was a bust.  With no job, no money, and no place to stay anymore I ran out of options and was forced to decided to come back home.  Good thing I have a home to come to! 

She said something powerful to me though..."Sometimes God lets us make mistakes so we can learn to clean up our own messes."

Well, I'm cleaning up a mess.  Not a huge one, fortunately, but a mess. 

Hopefully in all the chaos that is my life I can find the path I need to take...

Being single in a church of families...

STATS
-Name: Erin Page
-Gender: Female
-Age: 25 yrs
-Height: 5' 4"
-Weight: 135 lbs
-Hair Color: Blonde
-Eye Color: Blue
-Race: Caucasian
-Religion: Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints
-Relationship Status: SINGLE

I have a friend, that we shall call Marie, that is 26 and single, and we talk.  A lot.  She is my saving grace.  The one person that understands me more than anyone else does.  Being single in a church full of families is hard.  Very.  I would give anything to be in the place that 99% of my friends are at.  With a husband, children, a home.  A family.  But life has dealt me a different hand and while the majority of my friends have already called out "BINGO!" I am still waiting for my other half...

While recently talking, Marie shared with me some shocking statistics.  As the church grows, more and more women are joining the church.  Women are more sensitive to the spirit.  Men sometimes just don't feel that.  As this occurs there is a growing gender gap in the Church.  There are 40 active, temple-going, SINGLE females to every ONE  active, temple-going, single male in the Church.  The odds aren't exactly in my favor.  Also, from the ages of 18-22 there is an 80% of getting married.  From the age of 23-32, those chances drop to a shockingly LOW 30%.  And surprisingly, at the age of 33, the chances sky rocket almost to 75%. 

1 to 40.  30%.  Those are my odds. 

Now, I don't sit around and wallow and "woe is me" my odds at every second of every day.  But sometimes, they do get to me.  I am happy.  I am living in Sunny Southern California.  I have great family and friends who love me and hope the best for me.  But I can't help but recognize the decline in the rate of marriage for the men in our Church. 

Marie and I were talking about it a couple weeks ago and we were talking about the difference between the talks at the Relief Society Broadcast and the talks at Priesthood Session. 

At Relief Society Broadcast we get talks along the lines of this:
"Sisters, wherever you are, whatever your circumstances may be, you are not forgotten. No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you with an infinite love.


Just think of it: You are known and remembered by the most majestic, powerful, and glorious Being in the universe! You are loved by the King of infinite space and everlasting time!

He who created and knows the stars knows you and your name—you are the daughters of His kingdom."
-President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Forget Me Not, October 2011

At Priesthood Session, the men get talks along the lines of this:
"Now, I have thought a lot lately about you young men who are of an age to marry but who have not yet felt to do so. I see lovely young ladies who desire to be married and to raise families, and yet their opportunities are limited because so many young men are postponing marriage.


This is not a new situation. Much has been said concerning this matter by past Presidents of the Church. I share with you just one or two examples of their counsel.

Said President Harold B. Lee, “We are not doing our duty as holders of the priesthood when we go beyond the marriageable age and withhold ourselves from an honorable marriage to these lovely women.”
-President Thomas S. Monson, Priesthood Power, 2011

I'm not saying that EVERY single male in the Church fits this stereotype.  But I am saying that there is an obvious difference between the counsel give to us by our Church Leaders. 

I pray that one day I am in the right place, at the right time, to find my 30%.

Until then I will press forward, planning trips around the world, what kind of dog I will have, and the kind of house I want to buy and be happy with being single.  Remember, this is not a woe is me post, but the next time you approach a single young lady-friend in the Church remember, she is doing the best she can to be as happy as possible given her lot in life. 

And when she gets "BINGO!", you better believe that she will be the first to bring it up......... 

HOME

So, I've been terrible at updating my blog.  Obviously.  But now, here I am in the sunny state of California, looking for work, and trying to make my way  in the world and I thought I would do an update.   About time, right?

I've been home for about 5 months now.  CRAZY how time flies!  I cannot believe it.  I thought I had life all planned out too: get home, get a job, save like crazy, go back to school, marry the boy I dated before, and live a happily-ever-after-life.  NOTHING went as planned.  Get home: check.  Get a job: check, until two months later when I got "laid off." Save like crazy: nope...helps to have a job.  Go back to school: well, I took a phlebotomy course and decided I was done with school for a while.  That's a happy thing though.  Marry the boy I dated before: nope...He failed on that one.  Live a happily-ever-after life: nope. That plan changed fast....

I went to visit a previous companion in Hemet, CA at the beginning of November.  And after a whirlwind of a weekend I decided I was moving down.  Crazy, eh?  Agreed.  Fun though, right?!  YOU BET!!!  I taught some swim lessons in January so that I wasn't completely destitute when I came down and I am now in the job hunt.  Pray for me.  Cause I need a job.  Fast.  Preferably as a Phlebotomist.  But right now, I'll take anything!!!

It's really good though.  I already feel at home in the Singles Ward here.  I feel at home in the Pung's home and with their family.  I feel like I'm in the right place and I continuely pray that I am led to where I need to be at this time in my life.  And I definitely feel like I am being led.  100% of the time.  And I hope it continues.  I'm happy!  I'm young!  I'm single!

LIFE IS GOOD!!!